Fight or Flight

Tuesday, May 28, 2013
Wyftini has a really beautiful (and funny!) post on her blog about her experience with her son's spina bifida. Read it, you'll like it: Fight or Flight (but mostly flight).  

I completely identified with a lot of what she said about just wanting to run away during the difficult moments of dealing with her son's condition. I can't really compare Spina Bifida with Craniosynostosis. Technically, they are both birth defects, but it's kinda like comparing cancer and a broken wrist. But many of the emotions she has dealt with, I did too following Abby's craniosynostosis diagnosis, mostly a lot of self-pity on my end.

When a doctor offhandedly mentioned a day after Abby was born that she might have craniosynostosis, I remember thinking, "nope, no she doesn't because there is no freakin' way I can handle that!" I told God in no uncertain terms that I absolutely wasn't going to deal with that possibility, so He'd better figure out how to clear up all this confusion. 

A few weeks later when the official diagnosis came through that yes, Abigail did have craniosynostosis and a rather severe version of it, this is pretty much how I felt.

That's it, I'm outta here.
Because even though as a  mother I was supposed to have all those nurturing instincts to protect and care for my child and endure whatever was necessary, deep down I was also just a girl who didn't want to have to face something hard.

But the funny thing about doing something hard is that when you're in it, you just do it and you don't think so much about the hard part. You just take things day by day and doctor's appointment by doctor's appointment and you just make it through. Because there's really no other way except through it. 

And two years later, we are almost through it. Almost. And this little love was completely worth every hard part.

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